trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
