I hate all girls vehemently.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
