You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
