i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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