Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
