the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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