I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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