We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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