I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
