I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
