I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my shit smells like andre
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
