its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
