I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
