That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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