I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
