I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
