Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
