I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my being single is dangerous.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
