I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
