Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
