just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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