so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
