Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
