Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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