This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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