I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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