woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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