yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
