We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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