So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
FUCK WHALES
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
