You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love you. Go after that dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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