Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
