Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
