Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
ok first of all what the fuck
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
