He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
