pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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