I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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