He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
