There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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