If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
