We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
