i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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