Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
