Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
