Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
