i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
