You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want her autograph on my taint
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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