Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
