Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
