i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
