Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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