She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
