I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
