No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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