I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They took my balls.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
