So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
