I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
