I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
