Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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