so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
