Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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