Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
