My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
