I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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