Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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