I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
