Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
