There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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