Tell her she can't have a vagina
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
